Prayer

I believe God hears and answers my prayers. Even though I don't see, hear, or detect God with my five senses, I am still not met with awkward silence when I pour my heart out to Him. He understands me.

Sometimes I need to talk and need help with pain or trauma from childhood. I have been to many therapists and ecclesiastical leaders, rehashing my story repeatedly. When I've talked with friends and family, my hurting creates distance and alienation. I feel inclined to withdraw, and only talk with others about fluffy, funny, crowd-pleasing things. That feels like a cheap reduction, and makes my heart sick. I so need community, connection, and love, but it seems those things are for the admired, talented, and more emotionally intelligent than I. I try to give and be helpful to others, but my brokenness comes across.

The true friends and family I do have are evidence to me that God mercifully answers my prayers.  

My Calling in Life

Eric San Miguel, who is amongst my truest friends, reminded me of my calling in life, which I had written down and shared with him, and then forgotten...

I am Thomas Rightly Perry -

lifter of heavy burdens

and hands which hang down.

I seek to strengthen feeble knees,

to cast out the spirit of fear

and invite that of power, love

and of a sound mind.

I seek to exalt the lowly

and abase the proud.

May my will be given to

the will of the Father

and may my life be

consecrated for God's work

and His glory always.

On Life

Seeds sown in the child
Yield the harvest reaped in the adult.
With wisdom beyond our wisdom,
Both grain and chaff grow together,
Until we separate them
And make bread,
Some to eat,
And some to cast upon the waters.

There's plenty more to say about life, I know. These are just a few thought that comfort me about childhood adversities. Feeling that the pain was just senseless would hurt so much more.